Estefano: Constrict or intimidate you. We said it before, this is one of the worst things ever. I think most men completely underestimate what effect this has if they are much taller and wider than women.
Now, you’re very tall now, but when a woman is quite small, and then comes a man who is much taller and wider than she is. It has this intimidating effect, as a man, I think you have to pay attention to it. And something where men are often intimidating or intimidating women these classic things, such as getting too close when addressed.
Or where do you feel that you are cramped or intimidated?
Doris: Well, I can’t take it if he comes so close and talks to me like that, almost mouth to mouth …
Estefano: Too early, too much, not good …
Doris: Yes, that is not possible. I love freedom. That is, if somebody puts pressure on me or any reproaches: “Why don’t you have time for me this week?” – if you haven’t even had sex with him, then what does he believe ?!
Estefano: Yes, and then he’s already trying to restrict you?
Doris: Yes. That is not how it works!
Estefano: To focus on this address, a few things that I still have – e.g. if a man is not only too wide, but if he e.g. speaks from behind, you know, with a tap. So this scare almost? Has this ever happened to you?
Doris: Boah, that’s not possible! Yes, that has happened to me before, so I immediately went on. He has to keep eye contact or smile first …
Estefano: Yes, you’re warm with him. You know, ok, what’s coming, you can think about it in advance …
Or if he e.g. so close in noisy surroundings, or leaning all the time, or screaming in your ear, you know what I mean? – because he absolutely wants these words to be received. What does that tell you about him?
Doris: That he’s completely unsure that he’s trying really hard. That is not possible …
Estefano: Exactly! It works, it works like “try hard”, forced, he really wants it so much … And that, again, works ironically desperately. And that’s interesting here, as you can ruin everything in the first few seconds when you respond. Just because of that screaming and leaning in all the time. Or, above all, that he e.g. don’t smile.
Because if he’s nervous himself, you … I mean, as a psychologist, you know this concept with these mirror neurons, where you’re basically mirroring someone else’s feelings. And therefore, how does it affect a woman when the man is nervous? Maybe you can explain it a bit from your perspective …
Doris: Yes, so if a man is nervous, I find it really unsexy. And I’m not feeling well.
Estefano: This strange energy is coming, yes. So it makes you nervous too?
Doris: Not nervous. But I either get an aversion. I like him fully, then I get a little nervous, then it’s good anyway. But actually I don’t want to have anything to do with such an insecure person.
Estefano: And on the other hand, if he’s funny and confident now and he’s just having fun, do you automatically feel more relaxed?
Estefano: And then you also have fun with it and then it’s automatically much cooler.
Estefano: And those are the first feelings that you triggered when you spoke to the woman. That is why it is so important that you trigger the right feelings. And the easiest way I found out to trigger feelings in other people is to feel them myself. That is the easiest method. Then you radiate it!
Doris: Exactly, to be authentic. You may be unsure, but still smiling! Then you take him to heart!
Estefano: Because nobody is always 100% confident at all times. I mean, it’s such an exaggerated, perfect picture that you can never achieve. But you want to be pretty sure most of the time. I say so.
Doris: Well, if the pretty guy in the gym is a little unsure about leaning on, then he would be cute too, I think. Macho sayings like that would not fit at all. But if he comes with a smile like that …
Estefano: Always that handsome guy in the gym. We have to add him. So it would be ok if he were a little nervous at the beginning, but generally he shouldn’t be too nervous. It’s such a fine line … Exactly, perfect, yes.