Estefano: Not being convinced enough that women want you as a man. It’s a mega thing. I mean, you can tell that at so many corners and ends: the way he says it, how he behaves.
Has it ever happened? How do you know that a man is not convinced when you speak that you want him? Or that you might find him attractive as a man?
Doris: The worst thing is when he just says something he has memorized or when he starts to tremble or stutter. I’ve had that too! Or eye contact wanders, the smile breaks …
Estefano: Because he can’t keep eye contact? Exactly. Yes, the smile breaks, the voice rises, etc. You can also tell from the fact that he e.g. at all hesitates to speak to you, doesn’t it? So if you notice that he’s drinking courage. Or he’s just collecting his courage for ages … You look shocked … What does that say about him for you?
Doris: That is not possible! I think people who drink so much are unsexy anyway. Because I hardly drink alcohol.
Estefano: Yes, but if it is this courage to go there, you know … It communicates: “I don’t think I’m interesting enough” for you, does it?
Doris: Yes, and as a woman you want a real man. You put that into different areas right away and then you think: “What is he like later?”
Estefano: It’s not about saying arrogantly: “Yes, they all want me!”, It’s about this self-confident …
Doris: Yes, this charming man! Exactly!
Estefano: “I know you want me!”, Yes, yes! You notice it e.g. also very blatant when men start wanting to impress women with money. Because actually whenever you want to impress a woman with money or want to buy it practically, e.g. if you just come up and say, “Hey, we have a bottle …” – you know? – “… come over …” and such.
That already communicates to you – I have low self-esteem and have the feeling that I have to balance this low self-esteem with material things that I add.
Doris: Yes, I think that’s terrible. I find it e.g. cool if it has a lot of money, e.g. would say: “Hey, would you like to meet me in a coffee shop or something?” and then he comes with some flowers!
Estefano: Exactly, then it’s by the way, because something like flowers comes romantically when the man is already attractive and has high status and so on. And therefore want to impress this with money – that’s right.
Other things that I wrote down that are also important. If a man e.g. communicates a sentence from the beginning that subconsciously communicates to you that he does not think you find him attractive. A phrase like, “I know I don’t want to disturb now … but …” you know, like that? “I don’t want to disturb you …, I don’t want to steal your time …, I don’t want to be pushy …” …
Doris: If he’s sexy, he never steals time!
Estefano: Exactly! That’s it! And when he says it like this, he communicates: “I don’t find myself so attractive, but I have the feeling that I am a disruptive factor myself …”, don’t you? And that’s the problem.
Doris: Yes, you have to develop your personality.
Estefano: Yes, then you have to work a lot on it. And that’s why, one thing you definitely have to avoid when speaking. Very bad mistakes, yes.